The Rawness website has posted a list of axioms for life. I found #3.a. to be particularly relevant and a point which I have tried to make to people in unhealthy relationships for many years. Always keep this in mind when trying to win someone’s love or respect: people care more about how you treat yourself than how you treat them.
The Rawness author goes on to say, "If you treat someone better than you treat yourself, especially if you help them at great expense to yourself emotionally, financially or psychologically, they will actually end up loving and respecting you less."
Years ago I was reading either Dear Abby or Ann Landers who said, "We teach people how to treat us" (if you recognize this and can tell me who said it please tell so I can give credit to the right sister). I have taught many abused women this mantra. It is powerful. We do teach people how to trust us, by the way we treat ourselves. If we constantly sacrifice ourselves for the good of everyone us, everyone around us learns to do the same.
Contrary to this was the experiment I read some years about confidence when found that people who are confident in themselves are viewed by others as being confidence. People seem to assume that we know ourselves best. If we think we are competent, capable, or worthy of respect, so do they. Likewise, if we think we are incompetent, incapable, or unworthy of respect, so do they.
But I believe the Staple Singers said it first and best, "Respect Yourself".
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